Released...

What does it mean to be released? I looked up the definition in the dictionary to gain a better understanding and this is what I found:

release |riˈlēs|
verb [ trans. ]
1 allow or enable to escape from confinement; set free
• remove restrictions or obligations from (someone or something) so that they become available for other activity


This is what happened to me this weekend. I was "set free." I have had "obligations removed" from me so that I can "become available for other activity." This past week the Bishop came by to let me know that he was going to release me from my calling as Primary President. I tried to decline the release. I told him that I didn't want to "escape." I really enjoy "confinement" in the Primary. However, as I found out, you can not decline a release. He said that he was removing the "obligations" from me so that I could "become available for other activity" (myself and my family). I begged him for another "obligation," but he insisted that my focus be on myself and my family right now.

I was really sad about being "set free." Those of you who know me, know that I don't do well being "free." I love to be confined by obligations, restrictions and lots of things filling up my schedule. I love keeping myself busy! (I know, I know...I need help!) Right now, the only thing keeping me busy (besides my wonderful family, volunteering at Payton's school, organizing and this sweet little child growing inside of me) was Primary. I'm not working outside the home or even cleaning my home right now (per doctor's orders). I loved having Primary to keep me busy. But, more important than the busyness of the calling, I loved being able to serve in our ward and work with the children. Truly, the blessings that I received from serving in the Primary far exceeded the "restrictions or obligations."

Selfishly, I felt like I needed this calling for my spirituality. I was constantly relying on the Lord to help me make decisions regarding the children, teachers, leaders, activities and everything else associated with Primary. Each Sunday, my testimony was strengthened by the sweet spirits of the innocent (and not so innocent) children in our Primary. I had no choice, but to rely on the Lord daily. Without my calling (or any calling for that matter), I would now have to be self-motivated to rely on the Lord. This thought was a little scary to me. However, as the week went on my thoughts and feelings began to change dramatically. I relied on the Lord to help me accept this release. I also relied on the Lord to help me know what other activities I should be doing to fill my newly acquired time.

Needless to say, it is so apparent to me now, that the Lord knows what we need much more than we know. I had so many experiences this week that strengthened my testimony and helped me grow closer to the Lord. This "release" has actually strengthened my testimony more than I ever could have imagined. Relying on the Lord specifically for myself and my family was something that I needed. I felt like I was already magnifying my calling in the home so when the Bishop told me that I need to take care of myself and my family it didn't seem like a big deal. My family was already being taken care of. Yes, I know that obviously I am having another child and that will change things, but life still goes on, right? However, as I began to trust in the Lord, I am now seeing my role as a Wife and a Mother in a whole new light. I am seeing so many ways that I can and should improve my life.

I'm so grateful for the Worldwide Leadership Training they held this weekend. The topic was "Building a Righteous Posterity" and I really felt like I needed some inspiration regarding my posterity. I was so inspired and uplifted after attending this meeting. The thoughts, feelings and messages that were conveyed by the leaders of our church were exactly what I needed to hear. Normally, I would have gone to this meeting and listened as a "Primary President" waiting for some great inspiration regarding my calling. However, this time I sat and listened to the messages as a Wife and a Mother. I know there is a reason that my focus needs to be on my family right now. There was so much great advice and counsel regarding our families. I felt like this meeting was just for me! Again, I can testify that the Lord knows what each one of us needs, but we have to have faith in him and be willing to accept it.

I can't wait to see what other "activities might become available" for me in the future. I know that I will have countless opportunities to serve in the church. I know that there are always opportunities to serve others. Right now I am grateful for those opportunities I have in front of me. I'm grateful for the new self-motivation that I feel to become a better person. I am grateful to be "set free."