"Write"

In the Spring of 2010 my super-smart-talented-professor-cousin, Angie, sent me an email about an opportunity to submit stories.  She even encouraged me to submit my stories.  I was impressed she thought I was talented enough.

Four years ago I wrote six stories that were published.  They were all rapid fire.  My writing was coming fast and the editors kept publishing my work.  Then I got pregnant, which for me means that EVERY.  SINGLE.  THING.  in my life stops with the exception of trying to stay alive and keeping my children alive.

It has taken me four years to submit another story in spite of my desires.  For the past three years I've had the goal to "write."  Not only did I have the goal, but I kept feeling prompted to "write."

As we do, I ignored, brushed off, and found many ways to distract myself from this prompting.  Mostly in the form of shopping or eating.  Oh yes, and the perfect of excuse of being too busy taking care of my family.

I gained 5 lbs and wasted a whole lot of money just trying to avoid my prompting. 

Until last week.  I had just run five miles.  I was feeling great.  I came home to an empty house.  Everyone was gone, but me.  I used the morning to study, ponder and meditate.  As I began going about my daily tasks of laundry, dishes, checking instagram, facebook and email, I heard that little voice in my head saying, "write."

I had so many great excuses not too.  Instinctively, I grabbed my purse.  Then a brownie.  But something stopped me.  For whatever reason, Monday, April 20th was the day that the excuses stopped.

I promptly marched up to my computer, sat down and thought, now what?  I began browsing the internet.  I started doing some research.  One hour later, as my searching and questions drifted to paper, I had a rough draft of a story.

I was shocked.  How did that happen?  So shocked that I decided to surprise myself some more.  I submitted a proposal to have the article published.  I decided to get back to my household chores, when after just 30 minutes, I received a message saying that my article had been accepted.

I finished the article.  Submitted it.  Less than 24 hours later it was published.

While I'm frustrated at myself for waiting so long, I also know that for whatever reason, this is the right time for me.  I'm excited to continue writing and have set some lofty goals for myself to ensure that I don't stop.

The moral of this story is that if God is telling you to do something.  If he is inspiring you and whispering to you over and over and over again to do something.  He will prepare the way.  He will help you accomplish your goals.

Is Something Really Better Than Nothing

While updating my blog recently I noticed that I had over a dozen blog posts that were unpublished, simply sitting in "draft" mode.  They were mostly pictures that I hadn't taken the time to add my commentary to.  While I had taken the time to title them and to add pictures to them, I didn't get around to putting all the final touches on them so I didn't feel like they were worthy of being published.

It got me thinking about how many things in my life are in "draft" mode simply because I don't have the ability or time to accomplish them completely; or exactly the way I feel they should be.

This made me question, "Is something really better than nothing?"

When it comes to documenting my feelings and life on this blog.  Absolutely, yes!  I would much rather have a few pictures posted with a couple of comments than nothing at all.  Something to trigger my memory.  Something for my children to look back on and remember.

When it comes to raising my children, is it better to give them 100% some of the time or 50% all of the time?  Ideally, I'd love to give my children the best part of me.  I'd love to show up and be a 100% Super Mom all of the time.  Realistically, that's not even possible.  I'm not perfect, but I can always try to show up for my kids.  I think my children are pretty happy with my mediocre job.  They don't seem to notice that I don't make gourmet dinners or Pinterest worthy crafts.  They seem to be content to just have me around.

As I go through the different facets of my life; my relationship with God, my husband, my extended family and friends, I would love to give them all the best part of me.  For now, giving all these things something of my life is better than nothing at all.  As I show up each day, little-by-little the "draft" version of my life will turn into an amazing published final version, but as any great story unfolds, I must be patient.

Here are some ideas I thought of that can help me remember how to give "something" as opposed to "nothing?"  I would propose that there are three things we can all do:

1.  Listen.  Most people around us just want to know that somebody cares.  My children don't ever want to hear what I have to say, but they always love when I will sit and listen to them.  The same goes for our husbands, friends and extended family members.  People want to be heard.

2.  Be present.  All you have to do is show up.  Be around for your children so that you can listen.  Put down your electronic devices and enjoy the things going on around you.  No need for frills or bells or whistles.  Just simply be there!  Wherever there is.

3.  Lower expectations.  We need to lower our expectations of ourselves and of others.  We need to be happy with our best effort.  Sure, setting high standards and goals is something we should do, but not with everything-all-the-time.  Let's make our expectations more reasonable.  This will lead to less disappointment and more fulfillment when the little things get accomplished.

As we do these three things, we'll notice that our first draft starts turning out pretty good, maybe our second draft will be even better.  We can continue to edit and build upon our masterpiece constantly until we are satisfied with the life we are living!

enough IS enough

I saw this quote today:

"What we see depends mainly on what we look for."  
 -John Lubbock

It sparked something in me that has had me pondering, reading and praying all day.

I wish that more often in my life I was able to see all the good things that I am doing in my home, with my children, with my husband and for those around me, but usually I'm just seeing all of the many, MANY, many things that I'm not getting done.

Lately, (I'll blame the winter doldrums) this is what I see:

My house in not big enough, clean enough or perfect enough to raise my family in.

My body is not pretty enough, skinny enough or perfect enough to enjoy life in.

My parenting skills are not good enough, polished enough or sub par enough to even raise children.

So on and so forth...

My thoughts look pretty ridiculous in writing, but often these are the things my head (Satan) is trying to tell me!

I realized today as I read the quote by Sir Lubbock that I need to SEE the imperfect perfections that are all around me.  I need to see that I have more than enough.  I'm usually striving to make life PERFECT and that isn't going to happen.  I need to look for the beauty in my life without all the perfectness surrounding it.  Today I realized there are a couple things I must do daily to make this happen:

1.  I MUST fear God more than I fear man.  Meaning, I must not be afraid that others will look at me and judge my life by my messy house, body or parenting style.  I must care much more about leading my life in a way that is pleasing to God and not other people.

2.  I NEED personal revelation ALL.THE.TIME.  I NEED to feel close to my Heavenly Father in order to stay far away from the thoughts that Satan puts in my head.  I NEED to fill my life with good things and good people to help keep me close to my God.

3.  I WILL have more faith.  More faith in the power of revelation, more faith in prayer, more faith in myself and in others.  More faith that what I am doing truly is Heavenly Father's plan for my family and I.  More faith that I can do hard things.

As I spent the day focused on the beautiful things that happened, instead of the many, MANY, many messes and things that didn't get accomplished, I was able to see the incredible beauty that surrounds me!

I have realized that enough is actually enough!

a letter from the past brings hope for the future

About a year ago, I discovered a gem among the bookcases in my parents home. My Dad is an avid reader, lover and collector of books. The walls of their home is lined with books.

One evening, after a Sunday dinner, I made my way downstairs to the den that resides just outside my childhood bedroom door. I was searching the Parenting-Help section (yes, they are organized just like a library). There were many old, tattered and torn books. I grabbed about a dozen books that caught my attention. I packed them in a bag and headed home.

About a week later, I found some quiet time so I began sorting through the stack of books I had plopped on my office desk. The first book that caught my attention was this one:

As I opened the front cover, my heart started pounding so fast I thought it was going to jump out of my chest. I couldn't read the words fast enough, but also didn't want this moment to end. I had just discovered a letter to my Mom from my Grandma (her Mother-in-Law). This was a priceless gem from the past that I was so happy to discover. I now knew how paleontologists must feel as they discover hidden treasures from the past. You see, my Grandma passed away over 9-years ago. This discovery was a huge blessing to me. As I read the words, I was instantly weeping and felt my Grandmother's spirit pour over me.

In case you can't read it,

Patty,

You're doing 'great' in my book, but just being great doesn't help those areas in which we have problems and don't have answers.  This book may not have all the answers but it's down to earth, practical and fun reading.  But, remember when you get all your knowledge stored - and something upsets the apple cart - the Holy Ghost is the comforter, Jesus Christ is the Physician and Heavenly Father works through them.  Since you know those things the books are a re-enforcement.

"Ige"

As I sat reading her words over and over again, I felt so blessed to have this incredible advice from my amazing Grandmother who raised 8 incredible children.  I now had her testimony, sealed in ink, right here on the pages of this book.  As I read the book, with my Grandma's testimony in the front and my Mother's highlights on the pages, I felt so much inspiration as a Mother.

While this book has some wonderful ideas (that I have since implemented in my life and will share more of that later), I realized that I already have a legacy of truly amazing women to learn from.  As this new year is beginning, my goal is to learn from my past in order to create more hope for my future.

dear friend...

Thank you so much for calling me yesterday.  I know that it was not for you, but for me.  It was time that I be reminded of a lesson that I need to learn over and over again.  For some reason {pride}, I just can't seem to get the message.  You reminded me of an issue that I deal with daily.  You reminded me how much I need to work on.  I've thought about you constantly since we talked and I can't get the topic of our conversation out of my head because I have a similar problem.

My problem is "contentment."  I want a lot of things.  But most of all, I want {see there it is again} to be content.  I usually am content with my life, but I'm also a dreamer.  I'm constantly striving to make my life better.  That's not a bad thing right?  Absolutely not!  {Don't mind if I do answer my own question.}  However, as I was reading last night, I came across something that has made me do a lot of pondering today.

"...reconcile yourselves to the will of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh." (2 Nephi 10:24) 

This was my problem and answer.  I have not fully done this.  I need to reconcile {harmonize, come to terms, accept as inevitable} the will of God. 

What is the will of God?  Is his will that I have a bigger home, more things and a smaller waistline?  Probably not.  Is it his will that I am happy?  Absolutely.  But, not temporal happiness.  He wants me to have true, lasting, eternal happiness.

I often get caught between the will of God and the will of the World.  I need to reconcile myself.  I need to finally come to terms with where I stand.  Will I choose God or the Devil?  I say that I choose God's will every time, but do I really?  Absolutely not.  {Again, answering my own question.}

How can I reconcile myself to God's will and find that contentment I so desperately want {even more than my perfectly decorated dream home or a perfect body}?

I turned to one of my favorite places for answers.  As I began searching through articles, I found all the answers and more.  I wanted to share some of my favorite quotes and post them on here as a constant reminder for me.  I wanted to post the links so that I won't forget about them and so that I can refer to them often.  I thought I would be generous and share them with you too.

"There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions."

"I think most of us intuitively understand how important the fundamentals are. It is just that we sometimes get distracted by so many things that seem more enticing."

"Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most."

{"Of Things That Matter Most."  President Dieter F. Uchtdorf}

"We have all experienced times when our focus is on what we lack rather than on our blessings. Said the Greek philosopher Epictetus, “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.”

"Do material possessions make us happy and grateful? Perhaps momentarily. However, those things which provide deep and lasting happiness and gratitude are the things which money cannot buy: our families, the gospel, good friends, our health, our abilities, the love we receive from those around us. Unfortunately, these are some of the things we allow ourselves to take for granted."

"The English author Aldous Huxley wrote, “Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.”

{"The Divine Gift of Gratitude."  President Thomas S. Monson}

 "Life's necessary defining moments come within our allotments. ...Our response are what matter.  Sufficient unto each life are the tests thereof.

"For I ought to be content with the things the Lord hath allotted unto me."  (Alma 29:3)

"The Lord does not seek to overwhelm us but instead to help us overcome the world!"

{"Content with the Things Allotted unto Us."  Elder Neal A. Maxwell}

"In the words of C.S. Lewis:  "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. ...It is the comparison that makes you proud:  the pleasure of being above the rest.  Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone."

"The world shouts louder than the whisperings of the Holy Ghost.  The reasoning of men overrides the revelations of God."

"If we love God, do his will, and fear His judgment more than men's, we will have self-esteem."

"The antidote for pride is humility, meekness, submissiveness (Alma 7:23).  Either we can choose to be humble or we can be compelled to be humble."

{"The Faces of Pride."  President Ezra Taft Benson.}

I know I have an endless battle to try and reconcile my will to God's, but I think these words of wisdom are an amazing start.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to remind myself of things I need to work on.  Thank you for being a great example!

Love,
 

impossible

(image found here)

I've never been a huge Alice in Wonderland fan, but my boys were so excited to see Tim Burton's new movie {advertising works!}. Personally, I think Tim Burton is a little creepy, but always intriguing. We took our boys to see this movie on Saturday and it was just as expected. A little creepy, but extremely intriguing. The makeup, characters, colors and imagination is incredible...and dark. For me, a good movie is one that inspires me. I love being able to find little gems of inspiration. Here is my favorite quote from this movie:

"Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

Lately, I've been a bit lazy. I think I've been scared to challenge myself. I've been extremely idle with my time and talents. Not anymore. As you can tell from my recent posts, I've been reinvigorated. I have a new sense of determination. I'm ready to take on the impossible. Here are the six impossible things I'm doing today:

1. No treats or diet coke.
2. Prepare for my new job {ceo...remember}
3. {finally} Balance our checkbook
4. Get dressed in cute clothes, put on makeup & do my hair
{I haven't done the combination of these three things all week long!}
5. Be temperate.
6. Keep myself, my house and my kids perfectly clean all while enjoying my children, having fun and being nice!

Remember, the quote is "I believed" not "I accomplished." Just let me "believe" that these things can actually happen today!

faces

These are the faces that keep me going every single day.
These are the faces that inspire me to try and be better person.
These are the faces that make me happy and bring me so much joy.
These are the faces that I love!

These faces are really all I need every single day, but unfortunately, life is not that easy. There are a lot of other faces out there that demand my time and attention.

Church faces.
Cub Scout faces.
School faces.
PTA faces.
Friend faces.
Extended Family faces.
Lots of different faces.

Trying to manage the many different faces that I need to keep up with can be complicated and also bring me lots of joy. However, the hardest part for me is trying to manage the many different faces that I am supposed to put on every single day. I'm trying to manage these different faces, but sometimes I just don't feel motivated to do it all.

Lately, I have had so many feelings and thoughts swirling through my head about life and motherhood. I haven't quite been able to articulate the way I've been feeling. I have been so inspired by some faces in the blogging community that have been able to articulate some of my feelings and inspire me to want to be better.

Life

Clover Lane

The faces of these women who blog is all I know. I don't know these women personally. I've only seen their faces and read their stories. However, they have inspired me to want to be a better person. They have beautifully put into words many of the things I couldn't put into words. Sometimes, looking outside my small circle of faces is all it takes to gain a little perspective and some added inspiration.

P.S. Check out the guest blog I did today at Tangled and True.

no comment

Last week I made my big debut back to blogging. After taking a month {or so} away from blogger, I returned in all my triumphant glory with two new posts. I tell myself that I'm blogging for posterity purposes, journaling, etc. However, I've recently discovered that's not entirely true. After my two new posts I found that I was eagerly awaiting comments.

I waited.
I waited.
Finally, one comment
and then a second, third and fourth.
That's all!

Needless to say, I was disappointed. I only got four {wonderfully nice} comments from all my friends and family out there and one of them was from my MOM. I know, I know, my posts were not that exciting, but still! I started thinking about the blogging world and realized that I was such a hypocrite. Here I was, patiently awaiting some validation, and I was not even commenting on my friends and families blogs. I still check blogs, but I rarely comment anymore.

Starting today...that's changing!
I'm going to comment.

I've decided that if I'm going to take time to look at a blog, I'm going to comment. I didn't realize how much I liked the validation, until I wasn't receiving it. I decided that if I expected people to comment on my blog than I needed to do the same for them.

Basically what I'm saying is that I'd love to hear from you. Yes, I took a break from blogging and abandoned you. I can understand that you would feel betrayed. However, I'm back. I'm here to stay {for now}. If you have a blog, I will comment. I promise. Please forgive me for taking you for granted.

a book that changed my life

I have a book that I've had for as long as I can remember. I'm not even sure when I first received it, but it's always been with me. It's never sat collecting dust on a bookshelf. This book has always been kept in my nightstand. I've always tried to read this book daily and have been better about it some days than others and some years I've been better than other years.

Last December (2008), I received a challenge to read this book in 40 days. I was excited about the challenge and welcomed the opportunity to read this book in such a short period of time. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do it in 40 days. December was a busy month and while I did try to read every day it didn't always happen. However, I continued reading and began to receive a new love for this book. I regained a desire to read and study the words of this book that I'd owned for years.

I had read this book before, but something was different this time. The way this book made me feel when I read it was different. Magical. I loved this magical feeling I had when I read this book. Not only while I was reading it, but long afterward. (Turns out it’s not magic at all…it’s way better than magic.)

Many times, I felt lost or I didn’t understand what I was reading. However, every so often I would gain little glimpses of understanding. The more I kept reading, the greater my understanding became. About half way through the book I really started to enjoy it and notice the difference I felt on the days that I would read. On the days that I would read, things would just go better for me. I had days that were horrible or I felt depressed and at the end of the day I realized that I hadn’t done my reading. Very slowly, this book started to transform me.

Of course, this transformation was only coupled with prayer. I realized that I was actually praying every single day. I realized that I was actually praying all the time. I’d always prayed, but never as consistent as I was now. I felt like this desire was because of the amazing book I was reading.

The more I prayed, the more I desired to read this book. The more I read, the more I desired to pray. The two things definitely seemed to go hand in hand. As I began nearing the end of this book I found myself feeling like these words applied to my life. I wanted to read them. I wanted to understand them. I wanted to believe that they were true.

One night I had a conversation with someone very close to me about what I "believe." I’ve always had a whole lot of faith, but not a ton of answers. As I left the conversation that night, I was burdened with a strong desire to really understand what I believe and why I believe the things I do.

I began to read this book looking for answers to these questions and the answers just started pouring in. I could hardly believe it. Every question that I had was answered on the pages of this book. My faith was becoming increasingly stronger and I believed the words on the pages of this book more than anything I’d ever believed before. Suddenly, I just couldn’t get enough. I couldn’t put this book down.

Now, today, I have completed reading this amazing book, but I will never be finished with it. It has changed my life. This book no longer resides in my nightstand, it is on my nightstand, on my bed, on the kitchen counter, on the kitchen table, on the coffee table or in my hands. The words are etched in my heart. This book is near me all the time. This book has transformed me and made me a different person.

This amazing book is "The Book of Mormon." I would like to add my testimony to someone’s who said it much better than I ever could.

Now, I did not sail with the brother of Jared in crossing an ocean, settling in a new world. I did not hear King Benjamin speak his angelically delivered sermon. I did not proselyte with Alma and Amulek nor witness the fiery death of innocent believers. I was not among the Nephite crowd who touched the wounds of the resurrected Lord, nor did I weep with Mormon and Moroni over the destruction of an entire civilization. But my testimony of this record and the peace it brings to the human heart is as binding and unequivocal as was theirs. Like them, “[I] give [my name] unto the world, to witness unto the world that which [I] have seen.” And like them, “[I] lie not, God bearing witness of it.”¹³

^{Safety for the Soul, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland}

This book has changed my life and it can change yours.

what are YOU thankful for?

If you haven't seen this video already, you must.
This message is beautiful!

Payton is THANKFUL for...
macaroni & cheese
that we're not naked our whole lives
Utah Utes
football & soccer & basketball (okay, all sports)
Mom & Dad
my brothers
reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid
all toys & legos
my friends
food (except for enchiladas)
my thanksgiving & Utah Utes place mats

Parker is THANKFUL for...
Mom & Dad
scissors
his head
all sports
my legos
lots & lots of friends
Payton & Cooper
my place mats I made all by myself

Cooper is THANKFUL for...
balls
milk
big brothers
puppies
bears & monsters
grandparents
mommy
daddy