for the record

12 weeks...I wouldn't say that I'm showing, but I've definitely put on the pounds!

I am quickly approaching my second trimester of pregnancy.  I was looking back through my journals and blog entries from my previous pregnancies to find out when I can expect to start feeling better.  I realized that I didn't write much about the specifics of how I was feeling.  Maybe because the feelings are permanently ingrained in my memory.  Or maybe because at the time I thought that I didn't EVER want to remember feeling so horrible.  Either way, if things go as planned (which I've learned recently through a close family member that they don't) this will probably be my last pregnancy.  It's easy to think now that I'll never forget these things OR that I don't want to remember them, but I know soon enough I'll be reading over these words and feel so grateful that I wrote them down.  With that being said, here is how I've been feeling that last 6 weeks.

Obviously, when I first found out I was pregnant I felt great, but knew that the nauseous feelings would be coming soon.  Right on cue, at about 6 weeks pregnant my happy go lucky world turned into misery.  I was sick.  The 24/7 nauseousness had begun and I knew that all I could do was endure it well for the next 7-10 weeks.  IMMEDIATELY, I made a decision that I was going to have a good attitude this time.  I wasn't going to mope around and complain the whole time.  I was going to be positive.  It was only temporary and, "...this too shall pass."  I warned Tim that I was feeling sick, but that he wouldn't hear me complain every second of the day too much.  I know that I haven't been great about this (I'm sure you can all attest), but I've really tried hard not to be a Downer Deb.

Things that make me most sick are the things that I normally LOVE the most:
-Diet Coke or Pepsi
-Gum
-Sweets
-Kissing Tim
-Playing Scrabble, reading scriptures, anything that uses my brain!

Things I can tolerate the most right now:
-Cereal
-Soup
-Oranges
-Hugging Tim
-Watching TV

A day in the life of Brittany during the first trimester:

-Wake up at 7:15 am so that I can wake Payton up for school.
-Get Cooper milk and turn on Dora (unless his brother's have already done this for him).
-Eat a bowl of cereal in bed while I watch the morning news and check e-mail, google reader or facebook (anything to distract me from the way I'm feeling).
-Get out of bed about 7:50 to see if Payton needs lunch, do his hair (sometimes) and pray with the family.
-Go back to bed and continue my laziness until 8:45 am.  Get gym clothes on, get Coop & Park dressed and then go to the gym.  (This was until a week ago when I found out my gym is closing.  Now I just stay in bed during that time I would normally have gone to the gym).
-Eat morning snack, bagel w/cream cheese, orange, or a yogurt.
-Shower and get ready (if I have to go somewhere or see someone).
-Rest...sit on my bed that get's made about every other day and watch The View or Studio 5.  If I'm feeling good I read a book, the Ensign or my scriptures.
-Make Parker lunch and get him off to school.
-Rest some more...watch soap opera's, news or anything else that's on tv.
-Maybe do something productive (load of laundry, run an errand, make bed, read to Cooper), but probably not.
-Straighten kitchen and family room before kids get home from school.
-Greet kids as they get home from school, give them a snack, look at their homework, get them situated.
-Back to my bed...watch Oprah.
-Tim comes home to save the day (every other week) and we help the kids with homework, heat up something for dinner (chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, waffles, spaghettio's, noodles).  I haven't cooked a real meal in over 6 weeks.  Nobody is complaining!
-This is my WORST TIME OF THE DAY.  I'm sicker than normal, exhausted and ready for bed by 7:00 pm.  I usually veg out on the couch or in my bed.
-7:45 I tell the boys to get in the shower and I try to help get through the whole bedtime routine.
-As soon as the boys are in bed at 8:30 pm...so am I.  I usually watch tv while Tim cleans up the house.  I'm uncomfortable, miserable, tired, but too uncomfortable to sleep.  Nights are the worst.  I wake up 20x every night to go to the bathroom.  I have the craziest dreams that keep me awake.  I can't get comfortable (did I mention that already?)  I hate nighttime. 

How Tim is handling the first trimester:

Tim is AMAZING!  He seriously picks up my slack so well.  I don't feel like our lives are chaotic at all (which is weird if you just read what I do all day).  I feel like things are so simple and easy going.  If I don't get around to the laundry...Tim does it.  If we run out of food...Tim buys some more.  If the house is a mess...Tim cleans it up.  I've never heard him complain.  I'm sure he is under his breath.  He's definitely made his fair share of sarcastic comments.  I'm sure he's not loving this situation, but he just does it, without being asked and without hesitation.  When he's in town he'll make the boys eggs & toast for breakfast.  He'll come upstairs on his way to an appointment and quickly unload and load the dishwasher.  He gets home from working all day long and just starts picking up all the pieces of our home.  He helps the boys with their homework, science projects, book reports, etc.  He does everything I can't, which is everything right now.  He is making our home a happy place to be for all of us!  Most of all, he's putting up with ME.  That's the biggest job of all and he's doing it so well.

How Payton, Parker & Cooper are handling the first trimester:

Oh please.  I've realized these kids don't even need me.  They are so responsible.  They are telling me what they need and when they need it.  They don't seem to notice or care that I spend all day in bed with the tv on.  They get their own breakfast every morning, snacks and even lunch and dinner if I let them.  Cooper potty trained himself and does all his business on his own.  The only thing he needs me for is to get him milk refills on occasion throughout the day.  Yes, it is not the ideal situation right now.  My kids are watching more tv than I'd ever want anyone to know, but so am I.  I feel like the situation is only temporary and I will soon be able to heal those scars.  I hope.

This first trimester has had me filled with so much gratitude.  It has me thanking my Heavenly Father for the simple things in life.  I absolutely love sitting with Cooper on my bed, reading books, talking to him about his guys and hearing how much he loves me.  He is constantly telling me, "I love you, Mommy."  I love watching Payton and Parker take care of each other.  Be responsible.  Do their chores.  Play their sports.  Grow up.  It seems like just yesterday I was carrying them in my womb.  I watch my children in awe everyday at the miracle of life and the growth that happens every. single. day.

I am also so incredibly grateful for Tim.  I'm not sure how I got so lucky.  I'm in awe at how well he is taking care of our family right now.  I don't feel like I deserve it.  I can't wait to repay him back after I start feeling better.  He is truly amazing and is my hero right now.

Those are just a few of my random thoughts before I leave this first trimester behind.  I hope that I start feeling better soon, but if not, I know I can endure it.  I am 12 weeks today and am hoping that within the next few weeks I start feeling better and get some of my mojo back!

This is me without my mojo.