ten weeks

DISCLAIMER:  This post is full of Too Much Information so read if you dare!

We were going to start trying to have another baby after we got back from our Disneyland vacation in June.  I had no races planned and no more vacations planned.  It was our last big hoopla before baby making time.

After our vacation, I had my doctor's appointment all set up to remove my IUD, but Tim and I both chickened out.  Tim suggested that we should wait.  I felt relieved.  However, this had been the plan for 6 months and I don't deviate well from plans.  Nevertheless, we both felt good about our decision.  We decided to wait until January.  6 months.

In the meantime, we did a lot of praying.  I did a lot of convincing Tim that we needed to have a fourth child.  He was having a stupor of thought while I was dreaming of a dozen more children.  We needed to be on the same page.  After much fasting and prayer, we were finally on the same page.  I had my IUD removed in November to give my body enough time to prepare to conceive by January.  It wouldn't be hard to avoid conception since most of Tim's trips were planned during the time I was ovulating and my "most fertile day" was always smack dab in the middle of the week.  Perfect.  I figured this wouldn't be a problem until January when I really needed him to be in town a certain time of the month.

The first month after getting my IUD came and went without a pregnancy...whew!  Okay, one more month until baby making time.  I was getting really excited.  Yearning for another pregnancy; another child.  At the same time, my son was asking Santa for a baby sister.  Our family was ready.

Another ovulation cycle came and Tim was on another trip.  I was at lunch with some friends of mine, when one of them started discussing ways that she was going to "try" to have a girl.  She mentioned that you are supposed to try to conceive 4 days before ovulation.  4 DAYS...what?!  You can get pregnant that many days before or after ovulation?!  I always thought there was about a 48-hour window.  I never realized that was possible and then I started doing the math about my cycle and when Tim left.  If that's the case...I could be pregnant!  

The next day was my "most fertile day."  I was cramping really bad that evening and discovered that cramping during ovulation was normal.  Over the next couple weeks I had some tenderness and I was exhausted.  All the signs of pregnancy (or PMS).  What was I thinking?  There is no way I could be pregnant.  But, what if I was?  That would seem to be a miracle and Heavenly Father's way of telling us that this baby has been waiting and is anxious to get here!

Christmas came and went, but I knew the biggest present for me would be 5 days after Christmas.  The day I was supposed to start my period.  We had family in town.  The week was busy.  The days flew by so quickly.  One evening, I had a dream that I was pregnant.  I woke up and remembered that this was the day I was supposed to start my period.  My friend (the same one who told me you can get pregnant 4 days before ovulation), had given me a pregnancy test as a joke awhile back.  I remembered that I had that stashed in my bathroom.  I pulled it out and decided to give it a try.  Sure that it was just wishful thinking and there was no way I could be pregnant.

The house was silent.  Everyone was still asleep.  I took the test, then went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.  I sat in the kitchen giving myself a pep talk.  "It's okay if you're not pregnant.  This wasn't part of the plan.  You weren't even going to start trying until next month."  Then my self talk became more rational, "There is no way.  Why did you just waste a pregnancy test?  You'll probably start you period in a few hours.  Don't be so impatient."

I walked back to the bathroom, prepared for my fate.  I picked up the stick with my eyes closed.  I physically couldn't open them.  I wasn't ready.  I said a quick prayer then opened my eyes.

I was pregnant.

What?  Pregnant.  I'm pregnant.  I'm pregnant.  I'm having a baby.  I'M HAVING A BABY.  Pregnant.  I was shocked.  I felt blessed.  I immediately fell to my knees and thanked my Heavenly Father.  Then I grabbed my ipad and started checking the dates.  September 7th.  As much as I wanted to be pregnant, I was shocked at how this happened.  I felt so blessed.  Humbled.  Overwhelmed.  Excited.  Shocked.

I got ready and went to the gym.  I came home to my family eating breakfast.  Tim kissed me and I thought, Oh boy is he going to be shocked.  We had a busy day.  Tim was framing the basement and I was going to my parents to hang out with my family.  I didn't tell him.  Not yet.  It wasn't the right time.  Plus, for as shocked as I was, Tim was going to be twenty times more shocked.

I spent the day with my family.  The only thought going through my head, I'm pregnant.  All.  Day.  Long.  I'm pregnant.  It was surreal.  The day felt surreal.  This could possibly, probably, positively be my last pregnancy.  I'll never get a chance to experience these shocking feelings again.  I let myself soak up every second of it.

The boys were having a sleepover at my parent's house.  I headed home late in the evening.  It was a snowy, gorgeous December drive home.  I stopped by and rented a movie for Tim and I to watch.  He had been finishing up his framing in the basement all day long.  I knew he would be exhausted and want to relax.  When I got home, he took me downstairs to show off his handy work.  As we stood in the basement, it was the perfect setting.  We were beginning to finish off an unfinished part of our home and at the same time we were also beginning to finish off an unfinished part of our family.

Tim was happy with his accomplishment and exhausted.  He said, "I'm just glad we don't have any sort of deadline to get this done and that I can take my time."

"August."  I heard come out of mouth, as if I was a third-party watching.

Tim just stared at me and then smiled, "Are you serious?"

"I'm just as shocked as you are."  I smiled.

"Congratulations."  Tim smiled back.  We both sat hugging in the basement family room knowing that our lives as we knew them were changing.  We held each other because that's really all we both knew what to do and that's what we'll continue to do.

Hold on.

I'm ten weeks pregnant now and just trying to survive each day.  The last 4 weeks have been rough, but I can't believe I've already survived this long.  If things go as they have in the past, in 4 more weeks I should start feeling better.  Right now I'm just holding on and counting my blessings!